The Ballad of the Wayward Robot

STANZA 1 (3)
Once Upon a Time
Deep down in The Bunker
There once lived a robot
Everyone thought was a Clunker.

His parts, they were broken,
And in need of repair,
He missed quite a few updates
Of his OS Software,

But His mind was still whirring,
His thoughts were still turning,
He would dream static dreams
Of the whole world burning

(violins)
STANZA 2 (2)
And this robot, who kept whirring
And dreaming of burning
Had never stopped learning
So sayeth Valravn.

He’s Broken, He says
Defective to the Core!
Bot 9886
Is the Bot I deplore!

(drums)

STANZA 3 (8)
I took one long look
At my friend, the SpyMaster,
As he spun me his tale,
Time reversed, then went faster

The Hours, & Days,
& Weeks upon end
Had passed away now
We began to transcend


Time & Space, or so I think,
Are so beautifully crafted
It will stretch, and it will bend
With the right words, it’s elastic

And as we finish up
Our temporal tour
We find ourselves on
A familiar shore

Unsure of the year,
I look around,
And I noticed that neither of us
Had stepped onto the ground

And that’s when I realize
Not this mountainous heath
The answers we seek
Lie underneath

Down and down we traveled
Destination: Mess Hall
When we finally arrived,
Valravn began to recall:

Imagine if you will,
This Bunker, without life
When that happens, robots
Release their built-up stryfe

(Drum/Bass Break)

STANZA 4 (7)
Once upon a time
Every Morsel was a value
There once was a cook,
Who would stockpile food,

Provision Bots began
To get old and rusted
Farm Bot’s hydroponics
Became dirty & dusted.

From Condiments to relish
This robot stocked it all
Even the remains
Of the Gorgon’s eyeball

But as the Bunker slowly
Fell into disrepair,
9886 extended his function
And became self-aware

”I know what to do”
As an idea came to his mind
I’ll make and deliver food
To soldiers in a bind.

But even with reducing
His carnivorous output
The Hot Dogs ran out
The game was afoot

The robot took a second
Not more, not less
To decide what come next
And how to clean up the mess

Noticing air filtration
He got an idea
Better than a staza
Of Ave Maria

STANZA 5 (CHORUS) (2)
So with robotic precision, he gathered the skin
The leftover remains, of those who had been
And once he had more than enough of those flakes,
He added some water, so they would inflate

With moisture inside those humanoid cells,
The robot slapped it on him, he didn’t mind the smell
And using the casing, he had found in the kitchen
He made single sized sheets, and then got to stitching
STANZA 6 (4)
See, after being alone
For so many years,
The rust had begun
To wear down the gears

His mind was in shambles,
though technically working
Some have even said,
His insanity’s lurking

A small piece of info
Too small to be a byte
Hidden away in his systems
Suddenly came to light

There are people out there
Who have lost their way
And without sustenance
Out there, they will stay

STANZA 7 (4)
See, this bunker stands neither In the digital nor the real
It’s not made of just wood, Numbers, or Steel
It’s in between all 3, So it’s safe to assume
That it’s easy to get lost And succumb to your doom

So please pay attention when you go out wandering
For there’s creatures beyond what even we can imagine
And tunnels so deep, they’re long since forgotten
Soon you’ll be sorry that you ever dropped in.

And so all you Toy Soldiers, both far and near
Listen to these words flowing in your ears
Be sure to stick together, stay with the group
Or else you’ll be forever known as “A Bouillon Cube”

Doesn’t matter if you’re Suzy, Richard, Julie, or Bran,
If you get lost, he’ll lend you a hand,
Take a bite if you must, or add cheese from a can,
It’s the mild-mannered, sweet & delicious Hot Dog Man.